We have all heard the saying, “Curiosity killed the cat”. Well that may be true for cats getting into mischief but it is essential to have curiosity as humans, especially over the holidays.
I don’t know about you but I used to be a reactor. I would react to what someone said or did and get angry and feel like I needed to say something, even if it wasn’t my business (and it never was). Reacting to your feelings about what someone said or did can ruin relationships.
I started getting coaching about this and here is what I learned:
1. Start with awareness of how you are thinking. If you are not aware you are just on autopilot.
2. Be curious about why you are thinking that way, especially if you start thinking things like “he or she should have …” which means you are judging them.
3. Take a pause before reacting, curiosity helps with this. You can ask yourself, “I wonder why they said that or did that.”
4. Questions what is true. Your thoughts are rarely truth or fact. It’s just you having a thought about a person or situation. This is hard because we sometimes need another person to help us with perspective, and why coaching is invaluable.
5. One thought that was helpful for me when I became annoyed with a family member was “I have options.” I can choose to feel annoyed about something silly or I can choose to love them.
Lastly, if you remember nothing else, always choose love for yourself and the other person.
Remember you are not responsible for anyone else’s thoughts, feelings or actions; just your own.
I hope this helps you have a wonderful holiday experience with less judgment and more curiosity.